I Hope it works…

Its been one hell of a weekend.  Normally I don’t look forward to Mondays, but I couldn’t wait for this one to start up.  Mostly because I wanted to get further away from one of the most painful weekends I’ve faced in a while.  At my studio we ended up having to update the computers with new software and in the midst of it all, some very important files got lost in the mix.  Something like over 500 tracks of music I produced over the last few years was erased.  I felt the sickening feeling overcome me when my business partner called me and asked if I’d backed everything up, a task that was scheduled for the coming weeks.  

At this point, I’m over it.  This is lik the third time I’ve lost a huge amount of music in this fashion, although each had its own inconsistencies and set of factors.  I figure, just like last time, if I did it one, I can do it again.  Sure, I lost some gems……some tracks that I’ll never be able to get back…..but I figure all I can do is make more and more music until I get back to where I was.  I’m glad I didn’t lose everything, but the amount of stuff that I lost was pretty hefty.  Anyway, i figured since I was talking about my music, I’d post a picture of the music images I used in Linework 3, and if you dont know what Linework is…..you need to check it out on YouTube, or on my website.

So Today’s post is simply a drawing of clown fish I did for a friend’s 6 year old daughter.  She brought Lily to the office and she was holding a stencil that helped her draw a clown fish.  Well, she gravitated toward me (aas most kids do for some reason) and fell in love with my ability to draw.  I told her I could draw clown fish without a stencil, to which she abruptly told me I couldn’t, and then proceeded to tell me to draw 40 of them.  ”Uhm, not going to happen, but I’ll draw three,” I responded and…well….here is the result (post a little coloring from photoshop).  

They’ve always said things like ‘Love is in the air..’ whenever Valentines Day is around the corner.  Well, I walked out today and the only thing I see in the air is fucking clouds and falling snow.  Leave it to Cleveland to make even the most loving heart feel colder than Omarion’s ice box.  In any case, I found myself doing the first Valentines Day flyer of the year for me, per a request from a friend/client.  Kind of bitter sweet considering the minute I finished, I got a call from a close friend telling me his wife’s mother had passed earlier that day.  Its kind of crazy how thoughts of love, candy and shit like that can so quickly get replaced by such sad sad things.  I met his mother-in-law once before.  She was my spades partner  and we pretty much kicked him and his son’s ass.  In all fairness, they beat us first (luckily), but I can still see her face in my mind and while I didn’t truly know the woman, it really did shake me a little to hear the news.  I couldn’t help but imagine myself in his wife’s shoes (and I don’t mean literally!).  To imagine finding out my mom has made the transition would undoubtedly feel like a punch to the gut that never subsides, and I’m sure that doesn’t even begin to encompass the pain.  

When my friend stopped down at the studio as I finished the flyer, I could see he was definitely frustrated, angry, saddened and hit by a number of other emotions.  Sitting there, looking at his face while he filled me in on the death of his mother-in-law while I sat with my computer in my lap, a completed valentines day flyer posted on the screen for evaluation, what I felt was definitely the definition of bitter sweet.  I mean, on one side i have a client happy about the finished product and ready to send it to print, and on the other, I’ve got my friend going THROUGH it after all of the events of the day surrounding his family.  That shit is unreal.

A few years ago, while in Brazil, I almost died in a plane crash.  I say this without truly knowing if I’d have died….I mean, I’ve seen or heard of people who have lived through some tremendous experiences.  I mean, I didn’t take a bunch of bullets to the face and body like Curtis Jackson (50 cent), and no, I didn’t do a Kanye West and damn near kill myself behind the wheel.  However, diving toward the earth in a fuel filled airplane full of passengers smelling of burning plastic  typically sounds like the catalyst behind a number of future funerals, and at the time, mine would have been included.  Miraculously though, the flight landed, and my random thoughts live on for your enjoyment.  Congratulations.

The crazy part of that whole experience is what it did to me.  I’m not talking about the blank stare of post-fear that slapped my ass in the face once reality hit me while sitting in the airport lobby afterwards.  I’m not even referring to the mental collapse that left me blubbering and crying in the bathroom, following the biggest early morning drinking session I’ve ever had in my life (its a long story, but I am now a HUGE fan of those mini bottles they have on airplanes….and United Airline flight attendants).  A battle ensued inside of me, where the arrogance of feeling like I cheated death clashed with my believing I was blessed enough to have avoided death cheating me, and the result has left me lost between two thoughts.  Thought 1- If God felt like it was necessary to allow me to survive what some would have though to have been an undeniable path to death, what then am I supposed to be doing with my life?  Thought 2 - If I’m able to survive something like this because death is something I’m not to worry about, what then should I do with this life of mine?

Obviously both sides of the war came to the same result which only left me with more questions.  What the hell should I be doing now?  Is there some calling that I’m not hearing?  Some task that God has for me to accomplish and I didn’t get the memo?  Then I began to believe that maybe….just maybe….it wasn’t me.  Maybe I was a bi-product of some divine intervention that was brought about to save the life of someone else on the plane, and I just got lucky.  Maybe things aren’t always about me.

Then I thought to myself…no…then I REALIZED……fuck that….this is MY story, so its undeniably always going to be about me.  That means, I got shit to do.

It is 20 days past the start of a new year, and I’m just deciding to update this blog thing I have.  Yeah, I know, I’m late.  I figure though, fuck it.  Its better to do it now than to never do it at all.  Hardest part of doing this is trying to decide what I want to do with it.  I’ve come across a ton of different concepts and post ideas from various people’s blogging efforts.  Things like clothing, foods, artwork, rants….you name it.  One girl even posted nude pictures of women every day.  So then, what does a Cleveland native, illustrator and graphic designer post day after day that might be interesting to onlookers?  This thought lead me to one realization, and one decision.  Probably the most important decision of the future of my blogging efforts, my website and quite frankly, my future.  The answer: Whatever the hell I want to!  Why should I worry about people who decide to read my post?  Why should I worry about what anyone else thinks about what I post?  

So moving forward, if you decide to take the time to read things I put on my blog, expect to hear and see some things that you may, or may not agree with.  Expect that I will definitely delve into graphically motivated and web design shrouded topics.  You might hear me mention women, food….heck…whatever I feel.  If you like it, feel free to comment.  if not, feel free to do the same.  If you get out of pocket and say some useless BS or bring negativity to my posts, expect to have your posts deleted.  otherwise, thanks for visiting.